Embrace

Twice a week. That was the only time Hannahrial allowed me near her silks.

Not the blood-stiffened leathers I scrubbed daily. Not the rain-soaked cloaks, the armor, the straps that smelled of iron and long marches.

Her silks were different. They felt… human. Soft in a way that didn't belong in this place. And she trusted me with them. That was what made it dangerous.

The Rain Hall was already full. Steam poured out in thick, rolling waves, carrying laughter, water, the low murmur of voices that had never known restraint. I stepped inside anyway, head lowered, arms tight around the folded silks.

I made it three steps. Then…a sharp strike behind my knee. I dropped. Hard. The cloth slipped from my hands but I caught it before it touched the wet stone.

"Out."

The twins. Always the twins. One of them nudged my shoulder with her foot. Not enough to hurt. Enough to remind.

"Not here."

Laughter followed me out. I didn't look back.

The cold hit harder outside. Not because the air had changed. Because I had. I moved fast. Past the main paths. Past the noise. Further west than I had any reason to go. I told myself I just needed water.

Somewhere quiet. Somewhere empty. The camp thinned. Then disappeared. The Grove didn't announce itself. It swallowed you. The trees thickened, roots breaking through the ground like old bones. The air grew heavy. Not cold. Not warm. Just… thick. Like something breathing too slowly beneath it.

And then..the lake. Black. Perfectly still. It didn't reflect the sky. Didn't reflect me. It looked like a hole carved into the world. Mist drifted across it in slow, deliberate movements, as if it had purpose. As if it knew something I didn't.

I shouldn't have stepped closer. I knew that. My body knew that. But I did.

The silks slipped slightly in my grip as I knelt. The ground was damp here. Soft. Too soft. I reached out. The water touched my fingers..and something inside me recoiled. Not pain. Recognition.

I dipped the silk. The surface swallowed it. No ripple. No resistance.

"No."

Her voice. I froze.

Syrel stood behind me. Close enough that I hadn't heard her approach. Close enough that I should have.

"Take it out."

I didn't move. I couldn't. Her hand closed around my wrist. Not harsh. Firm. Warm.

"Now."

I pulled the silk from the water. It looked unchanged. But it felt wrong. Heavy. As if it had absorbed something I couldn't see.

She took it from me. Dropped it onto the earth. Careless. Like it was already ruined.

"You don't give her that."

Her voice was quieter now. Not anger. Something tighter.

"What is it?"

She didn't answer immediately. Her gaze drifted past me. To the lake. For a moment…her face changed. Not cold. Not sharp. Remembering.

"This place was here before we were."

Her fingers loosened slightly around my wrist, but she didn't let go.

"Before the camp. Before the walls. Before the Queen ever named the Vale."

The mist shifted across the surface. Slow. Intentional.

"The first Rangers tried to claim it."

Her thumb brushed lightly against my pulse. Absentminded.

"They drained it."

I swallowed.

"They… drained it?"

She nodded.

"Three times."

Her voice lowered.

"The first time, the water vanished for a night."

Her grip tightened slightly. Not enough to hurt. Enough to hold.

"And returned before dawn."

I felt my breath catch.

"The second time, it stayed empty."

Her eyes flicked to me. Watching. Measuring.

"They built over it."

Her fingers shifted. Sliding up my wrist.

"They buried it."

The words felt wrong. Heavy.

"What happened?"

She smiled. Faint. Crooked.

"They began hearing voices."

My stomach dropped. Her hand moved higher. To my forearm. Tracing. Light.

"Not loud."

Closer now.

"Not clear."

Her breath brushed my ear.

"But familiar."

My body locked.

"They started digging."

Her fingers stilled.

"They found it again."

The lake didn't move. Didn't react. Didn't acknowledge.

"And the third time?"

I shouldn't have asked. Her hand slid to my throat. Right over the marks. Shaedra's marks.

"They left it alone."

Her thumb pressed lightly. Not pain. Not quite.

"Because it started taking things back."

Silence. I didn't breathe. Her fingers traced the bruises there slowly. Carefully. Almost gently.

"You would have ruined her silks."

Her voice softened.

"And maybe something else."

I swallowed. Hard. Her hand lingered. Longer than it should have.

"You don't belong here."

The words were quiet. Not rejection. Warning. Then she released me.

"Come."

I followed. Of course I did. Back through the Grove. But slower now. Closer. She didn't walk ahead of me this time. She walked beside me. Sometimes, her shoulder brushed mine. Not accidental.

Back into the camp. Into the quieter corridors. Into the medical wing. Her chambers were… different.

Not warm. Not soft. But ordered. Controlled. Safe. A basin stood against the wall. Clear water. Still. She placed the silks beside it.

"You clean them here."

I nodded. I didn't argue. My hands moved automatically. Water. Cloth. Careful. Gentle. But I felt her watching. Not like Shaedra. Not hungry. Focused. Studying.

Her fingers touched my throat again. Light. Tracing the marks. Something flickered across her face. Something I didn't understand.

"You let her do this."

It wasn't a question. I didn't answer. Her thumb pressed slightly harder.

"Don't."

The word came out softer than anything I had ever heard from her. I looked up. Her eyes met mine. And for a moment…they weren't cold. They were something worse. Something that made my chest tighten. Because it felt like. care.

Her hand dropped.

"Finish."

She turned away. But didn't leave. And as I washed Hannah's silks in her chamber carefully, slowly, exactly as she had shown me.

The basin water stilled as I finished.

The last of the silk slipped between my fingers, light again, clean, almost untouched by the world it lived in. I folded it carefully, slower than necessary, more to delay than out of precision.

She hadn't left. I could feel her there. Behind me. Still watching. Not pressing. Not forcing. Just… there.

I turned. My hands felt heavier now that they were empty. I didn't think. For once, I didn't think. I reached out. And took her hand.

She stilled. Not violently. Not sharply. Just… still.

"Thank you."

The words came out softer than I intended. Not forced. Not careful. Just honest. Her fingers didn't pull away. Not immediately.

Her gaze dropped to where our hands met. Then back to my face. Something in her expression shifted. Her free hand lifted. Slow. Careful. And touched my face. Not like before. Not clinical. Not measuring. Gentle. Her fingers rested against my cheek, cool against my skin, tracing lightly as if confirming something. As if remembering something.

My chest tightened.

"I.."

I hesitated. For the first time in a long time. Not out of fear. Out of uncertainty.

"Can I…"

My voice lowered.

"…call you something?"

Her brow tightened slightly. Not in anger. In warning.

I should have stopped. I didn't.

"…big sister."

The moment the words left my mouth..her hand froze. Then, she recoiled. Not violently. But sharply enough that I felt it. Her expression twisted. Disgust. Immediate. Unfiltered.

Her hand dropped from my face like she had touched something wrong. Something she shouldn't have.

I stepped back. My chest tightening instantly.

"I didn't mean.."

"Don't."

The word came out too fast. Too sharp. Silence filled the room. Heavy. Unforgiving.

I lowered my gaze. Of course. Of course that was wrong. Everything I touched here turned wrong.

"I'm sorry."

My voice felt smaller again. Like it had shrunk back into the shape this place expected. She didn't respond. Seconds passed. Too long. Then..her breathing shifted. Just slightly.

"Look at me."

I did. Slowly. The disgust was gone. Not replaced. Changed. Her eyes searched my face. Not for defiance. Not for arrogance. For something else. And whatever she found, softened something in her.

"You don't know what that means."

Her voice was quieter now. Lower. I shook my head.

"I just.."

I stopped. Because I didn't know how to explain it. Not properly. She exhaled slowly. Her hand lifted again. This time slower. More careful. And rested against my shoulder. Not pushing. Not controlling. Holding.

Then, she pulled me forward. Into her. The embrace wasn't tight. Not crushing. But it was firm. Protective.

My body stiffened for a second, then gave. Because I hadn't realized how much I needed that. Her hand rested against the back of my head. Not forcing. Guiding.

"You're not wrong."

Her voice was low. Close.

"Just… careless."

My grip tightened slightly against her. Before I could stop myself.

"If it gets too much…"

She paused.

"…come back here."

The words landed differently. Heavier. My chest tightened again. But not from fear this time. Something else. Something warm. My heart… fluttered. I pulled back slightly. Reluctantly.

"Can I stay… tonight?"

The question felt fragile the moment it left my mouth.

"you have to go back."

She whispered.

"…she'll be there."

Shaedra.

Syrel's expression shifted again. Not anger. Not fear. Calculation. She stepped back. Creating space.

"No."

The word wasn't harsh. But it was firm.

"Not yet."

My chest dropped slightly.

"I need to speak to Hannariel."

Of course. Nothing here was ever simple.

"For now… take those back."

I nodded. Of course I did.

Hannah chamber felt larger than usual. Or maybe I felt smaller. I entered. Carefully. The folded silks held tightly in my arms.

She sat this time. Not standing. Not moving. Watching.

"Late again?"

My throat tightened.

"No."

"Then why are you breathing like that?"

I swallowed. Hard.

"I brought your silks."

She gestured slightly.

"Closet."

I moved immediately.

Her wardrobe was… immaculate. Ordered. Precise. Every piece folded, placed, aligned. I stepped inside.

Placed the silks where they belonged. Tried to match the spacing. The angles. The control.

"Not like that."

Her voice came from behind me. I froze. She stepped closer. Into the space. Too close. Her hand adjusted the fold. Precise. Perfect.

"Careless."

The word stung more than it should have.

"I'm trying.."

Her hand struck. Fast. Across my jaw. My head snapped to the side. Pain flared.

"You don't try."

Her voice dropped. Cold.

"You do."

I steadied myself. Breathing uneven.

"I was just.."

"Just what?"

Her gaze cut into me. I hesitated. Just for a second. That was enough.

Her hand grabbed my collar. Pulled me closer.

"You hesitate."

My chest tightened.

"I thought.."

"Stop."

Her grip tightened.

"You are not here to think."

I swallowed the rest of my words. But something slipped anyway.

"I was with Syrel."

Silence. Heavy. Wrong.

"She said she would speak to you.."

The second strike came harder. My vision flashed white. I dropped to my knees.

"You do not use my captains to bargain with me."

Her voice wasn't raised. It didn't need to be.

"She said I could.."

Her hand gripped my chin. Forced my head up.

"You do not repeat what they offer."

My throat tightened.

"You do not bring their influence into my chamber."

I tried to speak. Failed.

"I didn't mean.."

"You meant to move above your place."

The words landed like weight. Final.

"You meant to use what is not yours."

I shook my head weakly.

"No.."

Her hand tightened.

"Enough."

Silence crushed the space around us.

Then..she stood.

"Stay."

My chest dropped.

"What.."

Her gaze cut through me.

"Tonight."

My stomach turned.

"You will remain here."

The meaning settled slowly. Then all at once.

"No.."

The word slipped out before I could stop it. Her hand moved. My breath caught as she struck again. Not as hard. But enough.

"You will learn."

Her voice lowered. Dangerously calm.

"Where you belong."

I went still. Because I understood. This wasn't punishment. Not just that. This was correction. Reclaiming. Control.

"You will not leave this chamber tonight."

My throat tightened.

"Do you understand?"

I nodded. Slowly. Because I had no choice.

"Good."

She released me. Turned away. Like the matter was settled. Because to her, it was.

I remained there. On my knees. My cheek burning. My chest tight. My thoughts scattered. Because just hours ago, I had felt something close to safety. Something close to warmth. And now, I was reminded exactly what this place was.

The silence stretched, thick and suffocating, broken only by the faint sound of fabric shifting as she moved about her chamber as if nothing had happened.

As if I wasn't still there. Waiting. Breathing too loudly. Thinking too much.

I didn't want to stay here. Not tonight. Not like this. Not after, Syrel's arms came back to me. The way she had held me. The way her voice had softened. If it gets too much… come back.

My chest tightened. I couldn't go back. I couldn't leave. I looked up. She hadn't dismissed me. She hadn't acknowledged me. I was just… there.

I need that warmth again..and I remembered the letter. Who Captain Hannah really is, to me. I had to try. At least once.

"A.."

My voice failed. I swallowed. Tried again.

"Aunty…"

The word slipped out quietly. Fragile. Almost hopeful.

Everything stopped. Not loudly. Not sharply. But completely. Hannah turned. Slowly. Her gaze settled on me. There was no confusion in it. No hesitation. Only..cold recognition.

"Say that again." She grinned.

My throat tightened. Terror.

"I.."

My voice trembled now.

"I didn't mean.."

"Say it."

The command was quiet. Unavoidable. My chest rose and fell unevenly.

"I just.."

I forced the words out.

"I don't have anyone here."

Her expression neutralised.

"I thought.."

My voice cracked.

"…it might be easier… if I could think of you as.."

Her hand moved. I didn't even see it. Pain exploded across my face as the strike landed, harder than before.

I fell sideways, my shoulder hitting the floor, breath knocked from my lungs.

"Do not."

Her voice cut through the air like a blade. I tried to push myself up. Failed.

"You do not place yourself in my blood."

Her footsteps approached. Measured. Controlled. I felt her presence before I saw her again. Her hand caught my jaw. Forced my head up.

"You do not name me with titles you have not earned."

My vision blurred.

"I didn't.."

"You did."

Her grip tightened.

"You think because you were held by one of my captains, that.."

Her eyes flickered.

Just briefly.

"..you understand something."

My chest tightened painfully.

"You think softness is permission."

The words hit harder than the strike.

"I was just trying.."

"Stop."

Her thumb pressed into my jaw. Pain flared.

"You are not here to feel comfortable."

Her face leaned closer. Not warm. Not kind.

"You are here to be made correct."

My breath shook.

"I just didn't want to be alone…"

For a moment, something in her gaze shifted. Not softened. Measured. Then gone.

"You are alone."

The words were quiet. Absolute.

"And you will remain so until you understand why."

She released me. I collapsed back onto the floor. Breathing hard. My cheek throbbing. My chest tight. I stayed there. Because I had nowhere else to go. Because she wouldn't let me leave. Because I had tried to take something that didn't belong to me. Again. And now, I was paying for it.

The chamber felt colder than ever. Larger. Empty in a way that pressed in on me. Syrel's warmth felt distant now. Unreal. Like something imagined. And Hannah stood just a few steps away. Close enough to touch. But further than anything I had ever known.

I curled slightly where I lay. Not by choice. My body simply gave. And for the first time that night, I understood something clearly. Warmth here, was not something you could ask for. Only something you survived long enough…to maybe be allowed near. And even then, it would cost you.